TAKING YOUR CLOTHES OFF

            Yesterday we talked about asking yourself deeper and deeper questions as to why you want something in your life. This could be simple, like my mother asking herself why she wanted to paint her kitchen cabinets ,or it could be something trickier like why you want a life partner, a new career, or a child.

Gurumayi, from the Siddha Yoga lineage, talks about asking questions and “extracting the essence of your thoughts”, and then “crystallizing that essence into something worthy of manifestation.”

That sounds serious, serious about how to live fully and happily in accordance with your deepest values. 

Maybe it sounds too serious for you, but there’s nothing wrong with girls—or boys—who ‘just wanna` have fun’. No one is suggesting you not have fun. Fun is good. The Dalai Lama says the purpose of life is to be happy. We’re all about fun and happy, but you might want to ask yourself a few questions to begin to find the roots of your wish to have fun. You may end up being happier if you do.

Often, we get what we think we want and we are not happy. Why? Because we have not looked for our deep intention, so we either end up getting things that we did not truly want, or we get what we want, but we don’t recognize that we’ve gotten it.

Gurumayi, puts it this way, “If there is no clarity about your intention, you may be deprived of its fruits.”

Or to paraphrase Yogi Berra, “If you don’t know where you are going, you just might not know when you get there.”

            Why would we not acknowledge what we really want in our lives? Because it scares us. It exposes us. It’s like taking our clothes off and standing there naked for everyone to see.

It’s not for the faint of heart. But if you do it, you may find that you are not standing there by yourself naked. Surprising forces may gather at your side. Doors may open that you did not know existed.

As William Murray says in his book, The Scottish Himalayan Expedition, “[T]he moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. A whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen… assistance[.]”

So, not to fear, help is on the way, but you have to commit fully, and to commit fully, you have to know what you want and why.

Once again, my thanks to Dana Drobny, lallidana@gmail.com, of SB Adult Education who teaches a great course in clarifying intention.                                   

WHY DO YOU WANT THAT?

Whenever you think about something you want in your life, consider asking yourself, “Why do you want that?”

Think of your want, wish, or goal as a leaf on a tree. You ask questions about what you want until you reach the roots. The roots are where you will find the deeper intention behind what you want.

I recently did this with my mom who is ninety.

“I want to have my kitchen cabinets refinished.”

“Why do you want to do that?”

Of course I explained in advance what we were doing, otherwise she would think I was just giving her a hard time, like I usually do.

 “Because it will make me happy.”

“Why will it make you happy?”

“Because they will be nice and clean and beautiful, and they will look good when my friends come by.”

“Will it make you happy that your friends will think your place is beautiful?”

“Yes, but it’s more about me. It makes me happy and grateful that I have a nice, clean home. I am grateful to God for my beautiful home.”

I was a little blown away at this point. My mom is a ninety-year-old Sicilian woman raised, as you might guess, as a Catholic. She’s always been a believer and a churchgoer, and her faith as she has gotten older has deepened, which often happens as people approach the end of their lives, and she has always liked beautiful things, but I was taken aback at how a beautiful home was such a portal to something deeper for my mom.

My mother’s deep intention behind painting her kitchen cabinets was beauty in her home and connection to the sacred. A beautiful home connects my mom in way that a walk on the beach, for example, might not.

Given that my mom now spends most of her days in her home, that's a deep intention. That’s a good reason to paint some kitchen cabinets.

So, what’s the intention behind what you want?

Ask yourself questions until you get to the roots. This can be tricky to do on your own. We’re often a little afraid to discover our deepest intentions. You may find you no longer want what you thought you wanted. So, you might want to try this with a friend, or a coach.

Next time I'll go into why your happiness and success may depend on connecting to your deepest intentions. 

If you live near Santa Barbara, Dana Drobny teaches an Adult Ed class on intention. She can be reached at lallidana@gmail.com. I can be reached at drjohnluca@gmail.com.

SLUMPERS OF THE WORLD STAND TALL!

How you frame a problem or activity to school kids determines which kids will excel. We all know the academic high-achievers, arms waving, butts lifting out of their chairs, ready to tackle the problem while the rest of us are slumped in our chairs waiting for the whole thing to be over. 

            Which are you, a high-achiever or a slumper? What about your partner, or your kids?

            It’s important to know. When researchers posed the problem as being challenging, requiring mastery, and a way to demonstrate excellence, the high-achievers kicked butt.

And the slumpers? Well, they slumped.

Surprisingly—or maybe not so surprisingly—when the very same problem was posed as being fun and exciting, the high-achievers slumped and the slumpers ruled.

Overall, the slumpers kicked butt. They were even more successful than the successful high-achievers. But only if the problem was posed as being fun. 

            The words you use to think about or describe the things you want to do in your life will influence how successful you are. The same is true for your kids, or your partner.

            Decide if you, or they, respond more to fun and exciting, or to challenge and mastery. Then use your words carefully. As we explained last time, questions are often a more powerful motivator than statements. So, though it might feel strange at first, experiment with one of the following, putting in, of course, whatever it is you want to have fun with, or want to master.

             “Will I go to the gym this week and have a great time spinning my butt off while singing old disco songs at the top of my lungs?”

            Or.

            “Will I go the gym and meet the challenge of lifting x amount of weight y amount of times showing that I am master of my universe?”   
             If you're like school kids and research participants, though it may seem odd, asking yourself the right questions each day using words that work for you will help land you in the gym and wherever else you want to be in your life more often than simply bossing yourself around with statements that start with, "I will."
             'May I', is also a good way of beginning to ask for what you want.
             Try it and let me know what you think.