Wednesday, November 24, 2010


            This one has to be about Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. Though it wasn’t my favorite back when I was more of a bah humbug kind of a guy. Fortunately, that was then.
Of all the things I have to be grateful for, I am especially grateful for my deepening sense of gratitude.
I am thankful that I am thankful.
I am not trying to be cute here. I know too well the self-inflicted misery of an attitude of not enough in the midst of plenty.
So often we think if we just had that then we would be happy, and then we would have something to be grateful for.
But it’s gratitude that opens the door to happiness, not the other way around. Gratitude allows happiness to find us.
 I, for one, have never found an end to my desires. What about you? And we all know what happens when we get what we want: often we want more, we want different. We get unhappy.
Gratitude breaks the unhappiness cycle.
Gratitude is an acceptance and an appreciation for things just as they are, including ourselves.
Gratitude is a sigh of relief. With gratitude you can feel your shoulders relax and your heart open.
“Thank you for everything.”
If we can say that and mean it, it’s like tasting the timeless beauty and perfection of the world as it is, right here, right now, even if just for a moment.
It’s pretty cool. And pretty profound.
It opens you to the possibilities of your life as it is. It makes you happy to be who you are, where you are.
And it’s a choice. Gratitude is a choice. Either it’s a gift we choose to give ourselves and those around us, or it’s something we choose to withhold.
Nothing can make us grateful, except ourselves. It’s up to us.
We could make a case for gratitude. We could list all the things you have to be grateful for, like your eyes—if you are blessed to have eyes that work reasonably well—but the blind often do very well, and are quite happy, without being able to see. Thank you very much. Paraplegics and even quadriplegics often do well, even with their physical limitations.
Yet others are unhappy without these challenges, like I can be.
So, once again, we see that gratitude is a choice. It doesn’t depend on our circumstances. It depends on us.
Grateful? Ungrateful?
You choose. Right here, right now. What’s it going to be? 

Like everything else, you learn gratitude by practicing. Every day, you practice. Sound familiar?
You find yourself going negative fast? You reach for a little gratitude.
Crap hits the fan? You look up, take a breath, and give thanks for the blue sky and the white clouds. You give thanks you’re still standing. You give thanks you can still remember your name.
If someone is really mean and miserable, you give thanks that you are not always around people like that.
And you power on.
You can repeat simple affirmations.
“May my heart be filled with gratitude for my life.”
You can take gratitude breaks throughout the day just because you want to.
I’m grateful for my kids. I’m grateful for my job. I’m grateful that woman smiled. 
I give thanks for love.
I give thanks for this remarkable planet.
I give thanks, even for my struggles, because they give me something to push against.
I give thanks for the food I will eat today, for the people I will get to talk with, for the chair I will sit in, and I wish for others all the comforts and satisfactions I have.
And I give thanks for the holiday of Thanksgiving which celebrates one of the most powerful and transformative gifts I can give to myself and those I love, the gift of gratitude.
Enjoy. Give thanks. And spread the wealth.

Monday, November 22, 2010


Whoever you are and whatever you’re up to, you know when you set about to do something new, whether it’s write a new piece, go to a new class, talk to a new client, start that exercise program, or learn something new, especially if it pushes against your boundaries, you know resistance is lurking, resistance that hides in that tightness in your gut, in that irresistible urge to clean the refrigerator, in that seductive call of a bar of chocolate, or the allure of that nasty website.
Here I am writing, as a dozen little itches, distractions, thoughts, desires, judgments and genies try to draw me away and keep from doing my work this morning.
“Why are you doing this?” they ask me. “No one will listen. It won’t make a difference. It won’t be any good. It’s been done already. Who are you to do this work anyway? Don’t you need to go do something more productive that will make more money?”
Resistance will try to make you forget what you are doing and why. You have to pull yourself back to the center where your work and your life are waiting for you.
I saw an amazing interview with Neal Young on the Charlie Rose show—Neal Young from Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, who wrote Ohio, Southern Man, and has been rockin’ in the free world for over 40 years.
Day in and day out, married to the same woman, suffering from epilepsy, father of kids with cerebral palsy, Neal plays on. 
Neal Young explained to Charlie Rose that everyone who knows him, knows that when Neal hears the ‘call’, unless there’s a life or death reason not to, he’s going to answer it.
Tired. Having fun. Down. Busy. Worried. Guilty. Afraid. None of it is going to stop Neal Young from heeding the call to go write that music and those lyrics.
            It was a gift, he explained. It had been, not given to him, but offered to him. He had accepted. Now it was his responsibility to show up.
            That was the deal. He’s given his life to this thing, and it has given him his life.
I imagine some of you are saying, damn, I wish I were Neal Young. Where’s my muse? I wish I were called like Neal Young to write a song, or a poem, or to paint, or to sculpt, or take a photograph, or to design a product, or create a business, or choreograph a dance, or code a cool I-phone app, or run an amazing experiment, or think of a new line of work, or called to come up with a novel solution to a problem.
I’d give anything. Just please call me!
Like former President Clinton, I can feel your pain, but, sorry, I don’t believe you.
You have heard the call. We all have. More than once, but you didn’t heed it. You were too busy, too tired, too afraid, too something. And now, you think you don’t hear it anymore.
            But it’s there. The whole universe is bursting with the call. No matter where you look, there is change and creation. You are part and parcel of a God-refined creation machine. There’s destruction and decay, too, but you have to destroy some of the old to make way for the new. Destroying the old, that’s the part that scares us.
In Rolling Stone, Eminem shared that fear was one thing that made him do so many damn drugs in the past, fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of being too connected to all those adoring fans. One of the most successful musicians alive has to face fear and anxiety.
Neal and Eminem have to face their demons before they can answer the call. So do you, and so do I, if we hope to do our work.  
The particulars are going to be different for each of us, but once you get the inkling of the direction of your contribution, whether it’s to make your job more meaningful, to write that poem, or to be more present to those children, you’ve got to show up every day like Neal. Commit. Get professional. Get your crap out of the way. Sit down, stand up, go in, go out, whatever answering the call looks like to you, do it everyday—at least every workday.
Act like you hear the call even when you think you don’t. Keep doing your work. Keep showing up. The call is there, like leaves rustling in the wind. If you’re not paying attention, you won’t hear it. In doing the work, the call becomes clearer.
You don’t wait. You act. You don’t clean the refrigerator. You don’t call that friend. You sit down and you write. You go out and take those pictures. You learn that skill. You send out that resume. You go to that exercise class. Even with nineteen kids, four husbands, and eight cakes baking, you do what has to be done. And you keep doing it. Why? Because your life depends on it, just like Neal’s life and Eminem's life depend on it.
So, learn your craft, which includes studying the ways of your own mind and personality. Observe the deviousness of your excuses, the disabling power of your limiting beliefs and self-criticism. Observe your broken-heartedness over the past. Forgive yourself for things done and not done. Get out of your own way.
Your life is calling you, right here, right now, to be who you are.
And that’s pretty exciting, and damn frightening.
“My God, if I could just be fully and completely who I am, it would be like heaven. But what if I fail? What if they laugh? What if they ignore me?”
That’s fear we have to face, step by courageous step, as we work to become who we are called to be. And we do it knowing we will never be fully who we are. We’re too much of a mystery for that. The best we can hope for is to be a living part of a universe that is a becoming more than it is a thing, more of a dance than a sculpture. There’s no end to it.
So, where is your place in the great dance? What music do you hear? Who are your partners? What is your instrument?
Whatever it is, be open to it. Work to find it. Do what you can.
Listen. Do you hear it? Your life is calling.

Namaste. I can be reached at or 805/680-5572.