SLUMPERS OF THE WORLD STAND TALL!

How you frame a problem or activity to school kids determines which kids will excel. We all know the academic high-achievers, arms waving, butts lifting out of their chairs, ready to tackle the problem while the rest of us are slumped in our chairs waiting for the whole thing to be over. 

            Which are you, a high-achiever or a slumper? What about your partner, or your kids?

            It’s important to know. When researchers posed the problem as being challenging, requiring mastery, and a way to demonstrate excellence, the high-achievers kicked butt.

And the slumpers? Well, they slumped.

Surprisingly—or maybe not so surprisingly—when the very same problem was posed as being fun and exciting, the high-achievers slumped and the slumpers ruled.

Overall, the slumpers kicked butt. They were even more successful than the successful high-achievers. But only if the problem was posed as being fun. 

            The words you use to think about or describe the things you want to do in your life will influence how successful you are. The same is true for your kids, or your partner.

            Decide if you, or they, respond more to fun and exciting, or to challenge and mastery. Then use your words carefully. As we explained last time, questions are often a more powerful motivator than statements. So, though it might feel strange at first, experiment with one of the following, putting in, of course, whatever it is you want to have fun with, or want to master.

             “Will I go to the gym this week and have a great time spinning my butt off while singing old disco songs at the top of my lungs?”

            Or.

            “Will I go the gym and meet the challenge of lifting x amount of weight y amount of times showing that I am master of my universe?”   
             If you're like school kids and research participants, though it may seem odd, asking yourself the right questions each day using words that work for you will help land you in the gym and wherever else you want to be in your life more often than simply bossing yourself around with statements that start with, "I will."
             'May I', is also a good way of beginning to ask for what you want.
             Try it and let me know what you think.

How Do You Talk to A Genius?

We all talk to ourselves all day long and often throughout the night. Sometimes, we’re beating ourselves. Sometimes we’re talking nicely. In either case, our self-talk is often a way of coaching ourselves so we can get what we want out of life.

But are we doing a good job?

We know we need to watch the negative stuff, and that’s hard enough.

But what about the good stuff we say to ourselves? 

We may set goals and repeat positive affirmations.

 “I will master the guitar during the next year.”

“I will find the love of my life.”

Maybe we read that affirmations work better if we put them in the present tense.

 “I have found the love of my life and am masterfully playing the guitar.”

Present tense and efficient.

            But can we do better? Research, new and old, suggests we can.

University of Illinois researchers found that, “Will I master the guitar during the next year?” is much more powerful and successful than, “I will master the guitar during the next year.”

“Will I find the love of my life?” is better than, “I will find the love of my life.”

The questions open deeper levels of possibility and commitment in test subjects, while the “I will” statements bring up resistance and guilt.

           

            Buddhist prayers, or affirmations, often begin with “may”. “May my heart be filled with loving kindness.”

It’s not exactly a question, but it’s close, and it has a very different feel from, “My heart is filled with loving kindness.”

The question is expansive and open to something bigger than us.

“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.”

Again, it’s not a question. There is faith in it, but it is a request, a deep form of asking.

            Genius. Genie. God. Maybe you can get what you want out of life, but you’ll have a better chance if you know how to ask. And how to work your butt off.