HAPPINESS: IT'S A TOUGH JOB BUT SOMEBODY'S GOT TO DO IT!

In today’s New York Times there’s an article about the resurgence of electro-convulsive shock therapy as a treatment for severe depression. Last week, also in the Times, a psychiatrist, Dr. Friedman, wrote an article about insight not being enough to make for a happy life. These two articles illustrate the challenge and opportunity we have for dealing with our problems in a myriad of ways other than the extremes presented in these two articles.

             In one article we read that most therapists feel that insight is the cornerstone of healing psychological problems, and is the foundation of a happy life. Dr. Friedman does not agree. Though Dr. Friedman accepts that insight can be helpful, he points out that often insight is not enough, nor is it always necessary.

We know he’s right. Just because we know why we do something or react a certain way, does not mean we can change our behavior or our reactions, though it may make us feel better to know why we do certain things. With traumatic material, knowing what happened and being able to play it over again and again can actually make things worse.

Dr. Friedman shares that he feels good that he can use meds and some talk to alleviate suffering. Happiness, well, Dr. Friedman says, that’s another matter. Happiness, like self-esteem, you have to work for.

And I couldn’t agree with him more, but unlike Dr. Friedman, I feel that professionals can do a great deal to help clients live happier lives and improve their self-esteem. 

What can we offer that might help? Dr. Friedman points out a very well researched finding that most forms of therapy seem to do about as good a job as any other form.

What distinguishes good therapy from not-so-good therapy is not the therapy, but the therapist. It ‘s the quality of the relationship between the client and the therapist, coach, teacher, minister, or social worker that makes the difference. As professionals, we can offer a trained ear, and more importantly, a trained heart and mind. Most of us don’t listen very well, not even to ourselves. One of the most powerful things we can do is to learn how to ‘listen’ to ourselves better. I’ll talk more about this later.

            The other article offers that in difficult cases ECT can help with very severe depression. Though the treatment remains controversial, ECT can knock out a serious bout of depression and buy the client some time and breathing room while they try to address issues and make life changes and get on a track that does not once again lead to depression.

Clearly, ECT is for extreme cases, and no one is suggesting, otherwise, but we often take for granted the many things we can, and often must do to keep ourselves functional and happy throughout the ups and downs of life.

As Dr. Friedman said, for many of us, happiness takes work. So let’s not forget the basics.

If you want to be happy, start with your foundation: your body. Make sure you get enough exercise every day, especially if you’re prone to depression, anxiety, or moods.

Aerobic exercise may be a better antidepressant than anything you can buy. Make exercise part of your daily routine.

Watch what you put into your body and when. Do not run yourself down by not eating and then collapsing. Watch how much caffeine, sugar, and refined carbohydrates you eat. Notice what happens after meals, especially at midday.

Make sure you get enough sleep. Teenagers are prone to depression if they don’t sleep enough. It may be true for the rest of us.

Get outside, especially during the day when the sun is out. SAD, seasonal affective disorder, is real. Sunlight is the cure. 

Meditate every day for at least 15 minutes. There is a lot of research out there that supports the claim that sitting quietly every day for fifteen to forty five minutes, simply letting your mind be quiet, for example, observing your breath, can have many beneficial effects on mind, body, outlook, and mood.

Learn to pay attention to your body, noticing how you breathe, how you hold tension, how you collapse in certain situations. Meditation or mindfulness practice will help you become more aware of how your body is reacting to your life.

Watch what you think and say to yourself. Watch your ‘stinking thinking’.

Watch what you say to yourself as you face challenges. If one thing goes wrong, is everything wrong? If the weather is bad, does that mean the world is against you? Do you take temporary setbacks as evidence that you and/or the world are fatally flawed? If so, there are books, workshops, and practices that can help you change what you say to yourself and increase your happiness and wellbeing. This is powerful stuff and you need to do what you can to make sure that your mental machinery is not grinding you into the ground.

There are daily practices that can help you. Practice gratitude. Take note of and give thanks for the good things in your life. See where the glass is full, not where it’s empty.

Take healthy action in small incremental steps that move you where you want to go.

Help others. It’s a great way to help yourself.

Get out of your head, specifically, your left hemisphere, listen to great music and dance--scary for many of you guys out there, I know.

            Be mindful of your body. The philosopher Descartes said, “I think, therefore, I am.” Many of us fall into the trap of thinking, “I am my thinking.” That’s it. Period. We think thinking is all there is to us. We forget that we don’t simply have a body, but we are a body.

You are not separate from your body. If you were, why would magic mushrooms or prescription drugs radically alter your experience and how you feel? Why would sending electricity through your brain shake you out of depression? Why would exercise make you feel better?

Since you have and are this amazing being with body, mind, and possibly soul,

it makes perfect sense to use the zillions of cells and receptors and nerve endings and synapses to help you live your life.

But to do that you’ve got to slow down a bit and let yourself feel what your body is trying to tell you.

That’s not exactly right.

You’re not smart enough in this area.

Your body couldn’t tell you all that’s going on even if it wanted to. You wouldn’t get it all. Just imagine the overload you would experience if you had to consciously work every muscle and fire every nerve and control every gland necessary for you to successfully chew, swallow, and digest lunch. If you think about it, we’re morons in this area. And yet, when faced with emotional challenges, we deal with them primarily from the neck up, though emotions, by definition, involve motion within our bodies.

So, pay attention to your body when you’re going through difficult times. Notice your breathing, your areas of tightness and discomfort. Do not try to make them do anything, but let yourself feel and experience what is going on.

            Silently give a name to what you are experiencing, such as sadness, anger, anxiety, joy, anticipation, or whatever. Really let yourself feel the emotion, the movements and changes and sensations in your body. Pay attention and notice the change. Don’t try to change anything unless you feel it is really sucking you in and bringing you down. If so, then bring in resources that feed you. Breath more deeply. Imagine places and people you know and love that inspire you, make you feel alive, grounded, and present. Let yourself get to a place where you feel a little better. This should show up as a change in breathing or muscle tone. You might yawn or take a deep breath or relax a bit, whatever it is take note of it.

            Over time, as you do the work, like the star athlete you are, you will find that you get better and better at dealing with life’s challenges. So good, in fact, that you may find yourself feeling good, and feeling good paves the way for feeling happy.

            It’s great that we have meds available to us when we need them, and that in extreme cases things like ECT are available if we need them, but happiness is not to be found there. Happiness, for many of us, requires work, attention, commitment, insight, practice, tools, and good friends. The Dalai Lama said happiness is the purpose of life. That’s because life is tough and being happy throughout the ups and downs is a profound and radical act that takes work and a transformed human being. Maybe being happy is the most important work we can do.

I can be reached at drjohnluca@gmail.com or 805/680-5572

WHAT TECHNOLOGY WANTS FROM YOU

It’s pretty interesting what’s happening out there in the reality--or is it the Matrix--we humans and our technology are co-creating along with the rest of the planet, the solar system, the galaxy, the universe, and whatever else is out there. (Or is it in there?)

For some time it was mostly religious types, mystics, Buddhists, mushy-headed Californians and new-age types who might have subscribed to a universe that was more than a huge wind-up toy of disenchanted particles and fields that were up to nothing in particular except randomly interacting through infinitudes of space and time. Now, interestingly, it’s technology that is calling to some of our heavier thinkers to look upon the world with wonder and a sense of enchantment. Why, Kevin Kelly, former editor of Wired magazine and author of What Technology Wants sees the technium, his term for all the things learned and invented by human beings, the sum total of technology including language, as the biggest window on the capital “M” mystery of existence.

             We have Kelly offering, of all things, technology as a window on the divine, a window at least as big if not bigger than the Grand Canyon or a great cathedral. The technium, in particular the integrated global network of computers, is starting to noticeably take on a life of its own.

What we’re seeing are non-random flows of information where randomness previously prevailed.

The thing is organizing itself.

There are even flows of information that computer scientists cannot account for, information flows that seem to be arising from the system itself.

Whoa right there, buddy!

But we shouldn’t really be surprised. Of course, the universe is self-organizing, or else you and I, rather large and nifty self-sustaining organizations of sub-atomic particles wouldn’t be here right now with our mouths dropping open about the trippiness going on within this global integrated electronic brain we’ve co-created.

I use co-created rather than made, because Kelly’s point is that we, the human, are as much a product of the technium, as the technium is a product of us. The technium is our environment, the world in which we live, the niches to which we have adapted, the world in which we are co-evolving.

We’re all in this together. We are all one big on-going dance of creation, the human and the technological. That’s why Kelly sees the technium as a window on the divine: it’s just the universe continuing on its 13 billion year evolutionary journey to who knows where.

It’s not about you and me. It’s bigger than that. And that’s shocking for some, heresy to others. Just as Copernicus and Galileo displaced man from the center of the universe, today’s technological developments are displacing man as the end of  evolution. Just as what came before us gave rise to us, we are now giving rise to what is coming next.

We and the world will never be the same again, but this is not new. This has been the on-going journey of man for the last 50,000 years. We radically transformed the world more than any other species on earth, and in the process we were transformed. And the transformation continues.

But not to fear. There’s something larger than any of us at work here, larger than any man-made machine or integrated network of machines. Whatever it is that is at work, it has been as work since the beginning of time, possibly before.

            The Buddhists teach that consciousness is the basic building block of all that is. Consciousness is prior to matter. There have been books written about the universe itself being conscious. The philosopher Henri Bergson spoke of the élan vital, a vital energy that permeated the universe and drove evolution forwards.

Of course not everyone agrees with any of this. “Oh, hogwash,” they might say. “There’s nothing out there, just mindless particles and large enough expanses of time and space for all we see to have randomly evolved. So go to bed.”

But that’s not what Kelly sees out there. He sees reasons for hope, and even faith. At times he sounds downright spiritual about the whole thing. This is not the first time we’ve encountered this. For every atheist scientist, there is an intelligent believer in the Mystery, that’s capital “M” mystery, of the universe, a mystery that is only deepened by the scientists’ profound interactions with the universe.

It seems a bit of the same thing has happened to Mr Kelly. He got so close to technology, started looking into its global heart a bit too closely, and wonder of wonders, he saw Mystery staring back at him from the flows of information in the integrated network of computers that now spans the globe.

To Mr. Kelly, the technium is a calling forth to greatness, creativity, possibility, exploration, and ever-deepening freedom and humanity. Technology is not about displacing the human, but amplifying the energy that moves through and beyond the human. His vision is positive and hopeful.

He says, “As a practical matter I’ve learned to seek the minimum amount of technology for myself that will create the maximum amount of choices for myself and others.” This sounds moderate, but Kelly sees no end to the journey ahead.

“But by far humanity’s greatest, most immense journey is not the long trek from star dust to wakefulness but the immense journey we have in front of us. The arc of complexity and open-ended creation in the last four billion years is nothing compared to what lies ahead.”

This line is startling to me in its audacity, and though it’s hard for me to swallow, I think it’s true. The journey has just begun.

I can just see a bunch of us reaching for our bibles and prayer beads.

I’m reminded of the poem, “O God, your ocean is so immense, and my boat is so small.”

What the technium, the sum total of what technology and all of what we’ve made and been shaped by, wants is for you to go along for the journey, a journey that began long before us, and will continue long after we are as antiquated as a Model A automobile.

Now, take a deep breath. Get centered. And go live your life. 

            I can be reached at drjohnluca@gmail.com  805/680-5572.

CHINA’S NEW SUPERCOMPUTER AND YOU

China unveiled a new supercomputer that is 1.4 times the speed of the world’s next fastest super computer. The new machine completes 2,500 trillion calculations per second, a 40% increase in speed over the old slow poke machine that sits in Tennessee.

Is anyone under the impression that these machines will stop getting faster anytime soon?

This kind of change is taking place wherever you look.

The earth’s population is expected to rise by almost 50% to 9.5 billion people by mid-century, at which point it will hopefully stabilize rather than shoot straight for 12 billion.

In ten years China’s economy will be the size of the U.S. economy. In forty years it will be twice the size. The world economy is predicted to double and double again before today’s kids think about retiring.

The consensus amongst climate researchers is that the earth is heating up, and no one is sure what to do about it. Icebergs are melting, sea level is rising, storms are increasing, and once-frozen waterways are now open for business. In the last few years it has become acceptable for scientists to discuss global climate engineering, engineering projects meant to slow down the earth’s warming, such as proposals to blow up ice damns to free fresh water trapped in fiords in an attempt to influence ocean currents and the climate.

Women around the world continue to take their rightful place in the world, regardless of what some men might think about it.

We seem to be running out of fresh, clean, water.

Oil, well you’ve heard about oil.

Will the divorce rate ever go down?

Will the speed at which our jobs change and demand new skills from us ever slow down?

Will the creatively disruptive technologies ever stop coming?

Is Facebook the last new thing, or Google, or Twitter or bioengineering or nano-technology?

Is anyone thinking that all the applications and disruptions and possibilities of this continually unfolding technological, economic, geopolitical, social, spiritual, and environmental revolution have been thought through, understood, planned for, and ready to be easily digested?

Is anyone thinking any of this is going to stop? Does anyone really know what's going to happen?

            It’s not the economy or unemployment or Obama or the Tea Party or terrorists or any one thing or combination of things. It’s everything. It’s the world we now live in.

The amount of data collected in the last five years is equal to all the data collected in the 2000 years prior to that. The new Chinese computer shows that it’s only just begun.

We are no longer in Kansas, nor will we ever be there again.

We used to think of our lives in terms of smooth arcs with rising living standards, increased wisdom, and the right to simply enjoy the fruits of our labor—at least if we were privileged Americans or Europeans. Our lives were predictable, or so we thought. We envisioned a straight-line trajectory towards a better life, but that safe Leave It to Beaver or Father Knows Best world was an illusion. Life has never been safe, predictable, or easy for the majority of the world’s people. Now we have a sense of what that feels like.

We can try to keep out the immigrants. We can fight the terrorists. We can huddle in private armed camps in Montana. We can become reactionary fundamentalists of one stripe or another, but change will find us anyway.

And don’t think it’s going to be easier for the Chinese or anyone else. The dislocations taking place in China right now are mind-blowing. There’s never been a greater migration of people from the countryside to the city in human history.

It’s not that things are bad, or that they won’t get better. It’s simply that from now on change is the name of the game. It always has been, but now it’s in hyper-drive. 

The idea is not to fight it, nor blindly accept all of it, but we must stop wasting time and effort trying to live a life that does not embrace change. This is not to say that we should stop working for the causes we believe in. On the contrary, this is the time to really check in with who we are and what we value. But no matter what we want or think, we set ourselves up for wasted energy and suffering if we do not embrace how the world is, and the world is changing--fast.

It’s like we are on a class five river with wild currents and whirlpools and waterfalls and hidden rocks and exciting, dangerous places to hit our heads, be thrown overboard, or have the most thrilling ride of our lives. We may long for those long lazy stretches of river where we can just sit back on our inflated inner tube with a beer and a slice of melon and take in the afternoon sun, but we must accept that those calm stretches will not last.

Sooner than we might like some change will come along and we’ll be in the thick of re-inventing ourselves once again, having to learn new skills, maybe having to re-locate, maybe having to let go of someone we love. And since we're living longer, we'll have to do it for more years than we've ever had to before.

This is not about despair, or loss of meaning or value. It’s not about hopelessness. It is about knowing who you are and where you are and what you need to do to thrive in the world as it is. You have to become an agent of change, a life-long learner in tune with your own deepest values and wishes. You have to be your own best resource. That’s the only thing that can carry you through the turbulent times.

It has become more important than ever to get grounded and centered. “Know thyself,” has never been better advice. We need practices, rituals, relationships, teachings, and inner wisdom and strength, because we can no longer expect our support to come from the outside, because the outside is always changing.

Maybe you meditate or pray on a daily basis. Maybe you go for walk alone or with family or friends. Maybe you retreat to the woods, the desert, or the mountains for a week. Maybe you go for a run, or shoot a few hoops, or hit a few balls. Maybe you meet with like-minded men or women to share what matters in your life. Maybe you play music, or paint. Maybe you take an adult-ed class, or a class online. Maybe you make sure to eat dinner with your family. Maybe you do volunteer work. Maybe you do yoga. Maybe you take a dance class. Maybe you make sure to laugh with your lover and do the wild and lovely as often as you can.

In your own way, you find the quiet center in the midst of the storm, and you nurture it and you get to know it, and it will save your ass during the times of difficult change.

I’m not saying there will be nothing but storms, but I am saying there will always be storms, so stop trying to live a life without them. The best you can do is make sure you have a good sailing vessel, a good crew, and that you know your craft and are resourceful and flexible.

Dylan has a great line. He says, “He who is not busy being born, is busy dying.”

I’m going to have that tattooed on my hands where I can always find it when I need it.

That’s what the world demands of us now, that we be able to continually renew ourselves, that we be able to tap into inner strength and vision and recreate ourselves throughout our lives, as the world keeps demanding new things from us.

You may not like it. You may feel like screaming, “Stop the world, I want to get off.” But this is the world we have, so do the work you need and want to do, but never forget that it will never exactly be the world you want unless you learn to love and want a world that is forever changing.

I can be reached at drjohnluca@gmail.com. Namaste.

I'M HALF ENLIGHTENED

I’m half enlightened. I’m sure of it. So, are some of my friends. Heck, you may be half enlightened too. Maybe if I were fully enlightened I would know all that’s going on with you and with all other sentient beings in all the realms of all the multiverses on all dimensions. But I’m not, so I don’t.

But I know I am half-enlightened. Today I finished my taxes. For any of you familiar with the US Internal Revenue Service, aka, the Tax Man, you know that the Tax Man cometh to taketh away your money on the 15^th of April, but he/she will wait for your measly paper excuse until October 15^th.

My accountant, who is probably cursing me at this very moment, has all he needs to complete my returns and get them in the mail tomorrow. That’s right, I gave him one full day to complete my return--as if that’s the only one he has to do.

            I know, you’re saying, I don’t hear anything enlightening yet, not even a quarter enlightened, never mind half enlightened.

            Stay with me.

2009 was the worst, crappiest, pain-in-the-rump year financially for me thus far in my adult life. My investments are in real estate—all of them. Much of my income comes from real estate—it used to anyway. Now, all that comes are bills, bills, and more bills. It’s been a major bust. My net worth has tanked, tanked, and tanked some more.

Nothing brought this home more clearly than doing my taxes. 

            I’m getting to the enlightened part.

            Also, I lost all my 1099’s with income and commissions, all bank documents with interest paid on real estate loans--all my tax related paperwork--gone. Looked. Looked. And looked again. Nada.

Had to call my brokers. Had to reconstruct from monthly statements. On and on it went, and the further it went the more money I realized I had lost. I started feeling like Enron or Lehman Brothers.

Meanwhile, the clock kept ticking as it got closer and closer to the 15^th of the month. My back kept aching and aching as I pored over seven, I kid you not, different, bank accounts, and more gas, electric, and water bills than most guys my age have hair on their head. I worked on this thing from before seven in the morning till late in the evening for three days straight.

            YES, YOU’RE SAYING, THAT’S ALL FINE AND GOOD, YOU PROCRASTINATING, ABSENT-MINDED SORRY EXCUSE FOR A BOOKKEEPER—BUT I’M HERE FOR ENLIGHTENMENT, even if only a fractional portion. Where is the enlightenment part?

            I had a pretty decent time throughout the whole ordeal.

I was nice to my family and my dog.

I didn’t flip out when I couldn’t find the tax papers.

I didn’t rip myself a new opening for losing all that money.

I told a few good jokes.

I didn’t harangue myself for waiting so long to do my taxes.

I didn’t tell myself that I was a sorry excuse for a human being.

Why, I’ve given myself a harder time for wasting five minutes looking for my misplaced car keys.

I’ve put myself into a weeklong clinical depression because I couldn’t stop beating the crap out of myself for a reason I can no longer remember.

And here I was after three days of fully documenting a significant collapse in my financial well-being—and I’m still not sure it’s not going to get worse--feeling pretty good, enjoying my life, and appreciative of my family and friends, my house, my life, my work, my readers, and my clients.

The American Buddhist teacher, Jack Kornfield, wrote a book, "After the Ecstasy, the Laundry: How the Heart Grows Wise on the Spiritual Path," talking about how the truth of one's spiritual life is evidenced in daily living, in the rare moments, if they come, of ecstasy, but more importantly, in the much more commonplace occurances of the day, such as doing the laundry and preparing meals.

Why, doing the laundry will be a breeze in comparison to doing my taxes. You see, I'm at least half enlightened, maybe even four-sevenths enlightened.

I'm going to get my calculator and figure it out right now. I'll get back to you no later than the 15th of October, next October. In the meantime, make it a good day, even if it is tax day.

Share this with a friend who may STILL be doing their taxes.

HOW NAKED SHOULD A GUY GET?

I saw a guy change his life last night. Last week I saw another guy change his life.

Three weeks ago I saw another guy die because he couldn’t see a way of changing his. He was 39 years old. He died because he stopped talking.

How do you have the necessary conversations, the talks that come from deep in the heart and the soul and free the spirits, both dark and light, that reside there? How do you unburden yourself? It’s hard to do it alone. Grace helps, as do other people who care and can listen. This takes a lot of guts, and many guys can’t do it, at least not alone.

A guy at the gym explained to a buddy of mine that they were looking at the football game at 6:00 a.m. because, “Guys look at sports so they’ll have something to talk about with other guys.”

Maybe guys play certain sports so they can touch each other without fear of having their sexual orientation brought into question. I know my son thrives on touching me. He’s eleven. I wonder how much longer that will last.

My dog Iko is a guy. He touches me all the time. But he’s a dog.

Real guys can have it hard. We have a tendency to isolate. As we get older, if we’re not careful, we end up like lone grapes withering on the vine. If it weren’t for our women, most straight guys would have no emotional contact with another human being. Gay guys can have it even harder. I guess that’s why being alone as you age is worse for a guy’s health than smoking and drinking.

So reach out to other men. Figure out how to do it. Have the balls to meet with other guys. Not just to chitchat, but to share the journey of being a man.

Men die, on average, seven years earlier than women. Maybe it’s because women talk to one another, and guys too often don’t, not about what matters.

The right kind of talk is not cheap. It’s priceless.

And sometimes, not being able to talk can kill you. Just ask the family of a thirty-nine-year-old man who lost a son, a brother, a father, and a provider.

If you are interested in joining a men’s group or starting one of your own, please contact me at drjohnluca@gmail.com. And help yourself to a good day.