Tuesday, September 28, 2010


I saw a guy change his life last night. Last week I saw another guy change his life.
Three weeks ago I saw another guy die because he couldn’t see a way of changing his. He was 39 years old. He died because he stopped talking.
How do you have the necessary conversations, the talks that come from deep in the heart and the soul and free the spirits, both dark and light, that reside there? How do you unburden yourself? It’s hard to do it alone. Grace helps, as do other people who care and can listen. This takes a lot of guts, and many guys can’t do it, at least not alone.
A guy at the gym explained to a buddy of mine that they were looking at the football game at 6:00 a.m. because, “Guys look at sports so they’ll have something to talk about with other guys.”
Maybe guys play certain sports so they can touch each other without fear of having their sexual orientation brought into question. I know my son thrives on touching me. He’s eleven. I wonder how much longer that will last.
My dog Iko is a guy. He touches me all the time. But he’s a dog.
Real guys can have it hard. We have a tendency to isolate. As we get older, if we’re not careful, we end up like lone grapes withering on the vine. If it weren’t for our women, most straight guys would have no emotional contact with another human being. Gay guys can have it even harder. I guess that’s why being alone as you age is worse for a guy’s health than smoking and drinking.
So reach out to other men. Figure out how to do it. Have the balls to meet with other guys. Not just to chitchat, but to share the journey of being a man.
Men die, on average, seven years earlier than women. Maybe it’s because women talk to one another, and guys too often don’t, not about what matters.
The right kind of talk is not cheap. It’s priceless.
And sometimes, not being able to talk can kill you. Just ask the family of a thirty-nine-year-old man who lost a son, a brother, a father, and a provider.

If you are interested in joining a men’s group or starting one of your own, please contact me at drjohnluca@gmail.com. And help yourself to a good day.