Wednesday, September 22, 2010


You’ve decided on something you want in your life, but you have had a hard time making it happen.
             Let’s say, for example, you want a significant other in your life, but you don’t have one. You’ve gone deep into why you want this by asking question after question dealing with things like loneliness, sexual desire, fulfillment, self-esteem, friendship, security, children, stability, fun, companionship, laziness, and so on. You have come to a deep, satisfying place of knowing why you want a life partner and what you are willing to do to have one.
Now you need to look at counter-intentions, intentions of which you may not be aware, intentions which may be keeping you from getting what you want.
You ask yourself the possibly difficult question, “Why do I not want a significant other in my life? Given that I do not have one, this may be a manifestation of my strongest intentions. What might those intentions be?”
And off you go, deeper and deeper with each question. You are not looking for causes that are not under your control that can get you off the hook. You’re mining for the places where not having a partner is exactly what you want.
You may find, for example, that you feel you will not find someone, or that you do not deserve someone, or that if you do find someone, it won’t work out. You do not want to run the risk of sticking your heart out and having it broken. But keep going deeper. Ask yourself seemingly stupid questions like, why do I not want my heart broken? What will happen if my heart is broken? What is my alternative? Is my heart broken already? Am I broken? If so, what can I do to fix things? And so on.
If you do a good job, are honest and go deep, you will come to a place that once again feels like you are getting to solid ground. It may be a hard journey.You may find places that are wounded, places where you have felt like giving up, or where you are ashamed. Look at those places in light of the essence of what you truly want, the essence you discovered when you delved into why you want a life partner. If you delved deep enough into why you want a life partner you will have touched something that has the power to heal your fear, your shame, or whatever it is that is keeping you from going for what you want. An awareness of your deep intention will give you the strength to move through your counter-intentions.
At this point, stop. Take in what you discovered from asking both sets of questions, the why and the why not. Let it all sink in, not just into your head but into your body and your heart. Don’t try to figure it out.
            Let your body take you for a walk. Breathe deeply. Sleep on it. Trust that something is at work like a seed planted in rich soil. Give it time, and you may be surprised by a new sense of clarity and energy that begins to flower, and that the possibility of what you really want is more alive in you than ever before.

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