LIFE IS SHORT WE MUST MOVE VERY SLOWLY

What are we to make of this so-called ‘new’ year? It’s just a bookkeeping trick anyway, isn’t it? It just happens to be the first day of a new year, but really it is just another day.

That’s true enough. To the trees in the neighborhood, and the rocks resting in the park, it’s just another day.

Actually, it’s not. Trees and rocks don’t know squat about time and days and death and all of that. And that’s the point. We are time-bound beings, at least on the level where we live here on earth.

We may talk about the timeless, those of us inclined towards the spiritual, the mystical, the philosophical, but all of us live in time, and we know it. After a certain age, we’re all conscious that the clock is ticking, and though we may not like to think about it, we know what happens when the clock stops and time runs out.

That’s why to some degree or another we psychologically register the beginning of a new year around January 1^st or whatever day begins the calendar we adhere to.

I’ve seen a picture called the Hand of Death. Some people don’t like it. There’s an old woman, lovely, to my mind, with a gentle but old and somewhat skeletal hand reaching towards her, about to touch her left shoulder. It’s the hand of death. To those chased by time, worried that the game will end all too quickly, the drawing is a painful reminder of something we would rather not be reminded of: death is coming.

What a macabre subject to be writing about, you might be saying, especially at the beginning of a new year when we should be setting goals and making plans and diving into life with vision and gusto as we plunge into 2011. (That’s what my last blog, You Can Too Make Commitments That Work, was about.)

Yes, we set goals--I do anyway--and we set course for the new year, and we look back at what we’ve done and how our lives have gone. But I think we need to be careful and attentive.

What are our annual New Year’s resolutions, our commitments, our goals, our plans, in light of the unarguable truth of our death?

If you stay with this for a moment, though you may not like it at first, you may come upon something surprising.

I’m in my fifties, not old, I would like to think, but I am no longer at an age where I feel as if I will live forever. I know now for certain, like I did not when I was younger, that I will die.

And the unexpected thing about that is I am also more in touch with a sense of timelessness than ever before. The awareness of the fact that I will not live forever, that my time is limited, somehow opens me up to a greater appreciation of the present moment in such a way that I have a clearer sense of the timeless quality of life. This is tricky to explain, but I feel like someone who is visiting a place he truly loves and is on the last day of his vacation. He looks around and his eyes take in the place and he breathes in the place in a way that a native of that place might never do. The native has more time, so he can take the place for granted and maybe never look at it deeply, never see it clearly, unlike the man who must leave and knows he may never return.

An awareness of death, of the limited time we have, opens our eyes to the beauty, the depth, the poignancy and the fleeting quality of this place we call home and so often take for granted. Paradoxically, our awareness that our time is limited can slow us down enough so that we can be still long enough and quiet enough to open up to the timelessness of the present moment. We open up and hold, as Blake said, “the world in a grain of sand and see infinity in an hour.”

We live in two worlds. That’s why we have a brain with two separate hemispheres. We live in time. We live in our plans, our work, our goals, and our history.

But we also sense the timeless.

Maybe it’s when we’re out on a quiet walk looking up at the stars or into the eyes of a newborn child, or when we breath deeply into our own mortality that we open up to the timeless mystery of the moment, the ineffable sacredness of existence, and the shock of our being conscious in the world.

It’s the beginning of a new year, time to dream, and plan, and work, and build, and create. Be a force in the world. But also allow yourself to open to the timeless, to that which was here before you arrived and will be here after you are gone. See if you can live your life with the here and now, and with the timeless presence of ancient hills, with eyes that look at the world as if you were 10,000 years old and had never taken a step, but had still learned to watch the flowing river of life with a sense of peace and acceptance and gratitude.

You will never achieve all your goals. You will never do everything on the big to-do list. There will always be another article to write, another walk to take, another conversation to have, another problem to solve, another deal to make.

 That’s our life in time. That’s us trying to live fully and deeply. But no matter how hard we try, we will never take it all in, at least not that way. There comes a time when all our getting and gathering comes to a stop.

So, live your life if you can with the awareness of the timeless. Let infinity find you. But to do so, you must have some time, some space, and some opening. You must have the eyes and the heart of the traveler who is in the town square for the last time, knowing that soon he leaves, never to come this way again.

In that last glance, it’s like the traveler looks right through the present moment to the timeless heart of the place, to the heart of all places. It touches him and opens him to the mystery of the ages. In that glance and in that moment he sees more than he ever has in his life, and he feels more alive and more present.

It’s not the place that does it. It’s his eyes that do it to the place. He sees through the place, through the present moment, to all places and all times. And for that moment he lives and is truly thankful for his life.

So, be a traveler in your own place. Have eyes that see deeply and a heart that responds accordingly.

The journey is not to see new places, but to have eyes that see anew.

Be well. Plan, Work. Create. But remember to see the present moment as deeply and as richly as you can, and to do that, you must let yourself be still so that the timeless can find you.

Namaste.

            I can be reached at drjohnluca@gmail.com or 805/680-5572.
            

YOU CAN TOO MAKE NEW YEAR'S COMMITMENTS THAT WORK

             So, this is it, the end of 2010, and the beginning of 2011, but before we leap from one year into the next, let’s take a look back and see what our 2010 looks like. This is in preparation for 2011.

             Take some time to look over your year and list some of the good things you made happen.                 

             Oftentimes, we don’t do this and feel that we haven’t done much, or anything, but if you take the time to look, you will see that you did quite a bit.

             Did you go to the gym more often than in the past? Did you improve your golf game or your ability to bike long distances? Did you deepen your relationship with someone? Did you weather the financial storm of 2010 with a better attitude than you might have in the past? Did you take on a new job? Learn a new skill? Improve your diet? Your attitude? Your relationships? Your living situation? Did you stretch in any way? Reach out to someone or something new? Help anyone, including yourself and your family? Go on an adventure with the family? Take care of business, somehow? 

              How did you deliver in 2010?

              It’s important to not restrict yourself to only one area such as finances. Do not reduce yourself to homo economicus who tallies his or her life solely in terms of dollars and cents. Remember love, friendship, and mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. It may be helpful to review your year looking at the broad categories of career, finances, family, personal growth, leisure, adventure, legacy and charitable work.

              It can be a little scary to write down what you’ve done, because your critic wants to get in there and tell you how little you’ve actually done. But that’s the very reason to do it: to stop the critic in its tracks.            

              Oftentimes, we think the way to get ourselves to get anything done is to criticize ourselves, to whip ourselves like unwilling horses; we forget that a spoon of sugar and a carrot are often a better way to get any horse to do the right thing.

               So, give yourself the scary gift of listing some of what you’ve done this past year. Acknowledge yourself. (Which can also be scary.) Share it with a friend or family member. (Which can be even scarier.)

   I would be honored if you would share what you've done with me via email. As encouragement, I will list a dozen or so things that I helped make happen in 2010 that I am happy about and grateful for.

Started a blog and posted over 50 articles.

Secured a weekly online column at the Independent, and a different column at the Noozhawk.

I asked Lisa to marry me.

Sold off unprofitable real estate and solidified our financial position.

Started a second men’s group.

Worked with clients privately and in small workshops to help them live the lives they want.

Wrote a rough draft of a self-help book.

Meditated every day.

Went on a number of adventures with the family, including taking my 90-year-old mom to New York, and my son backpacking in the Sierras.

Finished another year of Somatic Experiencing training.

Attended workshops at UCLA and elsewhere.

Co-led two men’s retreats.

Was a good dad to my four children, a good friend, and a good partner.

 Now, it’s your turn. Make a list of a dozen things or so that you made happen in 2010 that you are happy about. Take in what you’ve done. Let yourself feel empowered by how you’ve lived this past year.       

Stay positive. Do not go into “yeah, but” mode where your critic wants to shower you with the dung of how you ‘should’ve, could’ve, and would’ve’ done better. The power of this exercise is to silence the critic and take in and be grateful for all that you’ve been able to do this past year.

That's part one.

Now, for the second part.

Let yourself feel the energy and satisfaction of what you’ve done this past year. Let it empower you. Now envision what the next year might hold in store for you. What would you like to make happen?

Oscar Wilde wrote, “New Year’s resolutions go in one year and out the other.”

We all know that so many of our resolutions go by the wayside, but it is also true that we are much more likely to do something if we commit to doing so. I, for example, meditated haphazardly for over thirty years, some days doing it, some days not. Sometimes a month would pass and I wouldn’t meditate. A little more than two years ago, before a group of men, I committed to meditating every day. I’ve done so ever since.

Making a commitment, especially to a group, can be very empowering. I made a commitment last year to two local papers to write at least two articles per week, and I’ve done so every week since then.

            What commitments do you want to make for the coming year? Do you want to exercise more? Do you want to reach out to others and deepen your relationships? Do you want to write, sing, dance, or play? Do you want to pray more? Apply for a new job? Learn a new skill? Practice gratitude and acceptance for things just as they are, including yourself?

Whatever it is, go for it.

            Here are some of mine:

I commit to finishing my book this year and sending it out to publishers and agents. 

I commit to finishing the classes for my fifth graduate degree.

I commit to hiking Evolution Basin next summer with Lisa.

I commit to deepening my relationship with my children by being there for them on a daily and weekly basis throughout the year, for example, by talking with them, texting them, visiting them, taking them to the library, playing games with them, and sharing meals with them.

I could go on, but that’s what I have the courage for right now.

What about you?

Go public with your commitments. I would appreciate it if you would send them to me. Think about your commitments carefully. You are committing to them. They are not just dreams, wishes, or nebulous goals. Be specific. Be realistic. Set time limits. Be thoughtful about your choices. You are saying you are going to do them. 

            If you are interested I am offering a workshop on Saturday, January 22^nd, 2011 for setting goals and making commitments for the year. We’ll explore what is at the root of your choices and expose any resistance you might be having. Research has shown that it takes about 10 weeks or so for people to get established in new habits or to change old ones, so I’m offering follow-up classes that will meet each week for ten weeks on Tuesday evenings from 5-6:30.

            So, list some of what you’ve done this past year, then stick your neck out and make some commitments for the coming year. Enjoy. And give thanks. And Happy New Year to You and Yours!

Namaste.
            I can be reached at drjohnluca@gmail.com or 805/680-5572